We had our own bit of family chaos this week. My daughter's car registration had expired, and with her heading off to college soon, we needed to get it fixed fast. We drove to the DMV, but they weren't taking walk-ins anymore that day because it was unbelievably full. It was appointment only, and the website showed no more openings until August. We panicked for a minute, then just showed up half an hour before opening the next day. It was like waiting in line for a ride at an amusement park. But once the doors opened, we were in and out in about two hours. Honestly, it might be the best-run DMV I've ever been to. They looked understaffed, but they still moved that line fast.
My son takes his driver's exam Monday, and he's a little nervous. He's got the K-turn down, backing up down, all of it. The one thing that trips up almost every teenager- parking into that tiny painted spot- is giving him trouble. He'd been practicing in the minivan, which didn't help. We switched him to our smaller car, and now he feels a lot more confident.
And then there's Penny. We gave her a bath and a haircut yesterday, and within three hours she'd rolled in something awful. We don't know what it was, but it was bad enough that we had to lock her in the lanai until we could hose her down. But who could stay mad at that face?
This week, let me give you a little peek behind the curtain.
Let's take a look at what really happens in my office, behind closed doors, when I sit down with folks much like you. Most people don't get much perspective on how others are doing financially, mostly because, well, no one talks about money. It's still a bit taboo, like politics at Thanksgiving or the price of a neighbor's facelift.
But I see it all. Financial lives laid bare, week after week. After years of thousands of meetings, here are some lessons I've picked up along the way.
**1. Everyone thinks everyone else has money. They don't. The idea that you're surrounded by millionaires? Nope. Not even in Sarasota.
**2. Retirement worries are nearly universal.**
I'd guess 80 to 90% of the people I meet are anxious about running out of money. In fact, studies show retirees fear that more than death. That tells you something.
**3. Men and women retire differently.**
Women tend to adjust well, building social lives and finding purpose. Men? Often, not so much. Many struggle with the loss of identity, especially white-collar guys. Blue-collar folks usually have an easier time stepping away. Retirement looks pretty good after decades of putting up drywall.
**4. The Spouse Effect is real.**
You've begged your spouse for years to eat better. Nothing changes. A doctor tells them the same thing, and suddenly they eat kale smoothies and quinoa. Same with money. I've seen spouses gape in disbelief as their partner, a lifelong spender, nods solemnly and agrees to start saving after a few gentle words from me.
**5. Relationships matter much more than returns.**
I can help you feel financially secure. But without community, friends, family, and connection, retirement feels hollow. People with close relationships live longer and happier lives. That's a fact. Call one of your friends and invite them to breakfast at First Watch as soon as you stop reading this.
**6. Money matters less as you age.**
Not right away, but eventually. You realize that most of what you buy is unnecessary. You become content with less stuff.
**7. Best vacation destinations.**
Recently, I've heard good things about Iceland, Greece, Israel, Alaska, and Italy. A lot of you jump in the car and tour the good ol' U.S. of A. There's a lot to enjoy within our own borders. I've also found that by your mid-70s, travel interest often drops off a cliff. Go while you're able and wanting.
**8. If you're confused about investing, you're in good company.**
I hear this from the vast majority of you: "I'm embarrassed I don't understand this stuff."
**9. People age at wildly different rates.**
I see 75-year-olds who seem 90. And I see spry 90-year-olds who still walk the beach. What's the secret? A tan, slender 85-year-old client said it best: "Just keep moving."
**10. Everyone guesses their lifespan based on their parents.**
It's the go-to response. Genetics matter, sure. But lifestyle matters too, especially movement, purpose, and connection.
**11. The media is full of noise.**
Most people fall for the financial news circus. Turn it off. 0% is helpful.
**12. Most folks don't know what the stock market actually returns.**
Ask around to your friends: "What's the market returned on average over the last 10, 20, 50, or 100 years?" Blank stares. The answer is about 10%. Not every year, but over time.
This is possibly the biggest head-scratcher in my career. I cannot fathom how many people put their life savings and retirement security into something without having any understanding of what it's done in the past. I ask what the markets have done in the past ten years. Some people say 2%, some 5%, some 7%, some say 15%. The vast majority shake their heads and shrug their shoulders.
**13. Day trading is a fool's errand.**
Still, the dream lives on. It shouldn't.
**14. Retiring at 62 isn't always smart.**
Yes, it's when Social Security starts. No, that doesn't mean you should. Many regret starting too early.
**15. Rental property sounds romantic.**
The majority of people who buy one regret it. I have said this a dozen times, and I still have people passionately disagreeing with me, but I simply have never seen it work out. I've seen a couple hundred people try to make money through a rental property. Even if they do make a modest return, it is a monumental pain in the butt.
**16. Credit unions quietly outperform big banks.**
Better rates. Lower fees. Fewer gimmicks.
**17. Generosity breeds happiness.**
My happiest clients are generous with money, time, or attention. It's a pattern I can't ignore.
**18. Elder care is a growing concern.**
Many of my clients are caring for parents in their 90s. It's a demanding season, emotionally and financially.
**19. Life doesn't change much past a million.**
Clients with $1 million and $2 million portfolios? Their lifestyles are shockingly similar.
**20. Clear estate plans prevent family feuds.**
Your kids love each other until money enters the chat. Write it down. Have a family meeting. Be specific.
**21. People who work part-time in retirement often thrive.**
It's not always about the money. A little purpose and a reason to get dressed go a long way.
That's the inside scoop from a guy who's been around the block and the balance sheet. If you see yourself in one or two of these observations, know this: you're not alone.
Be Blessed,
Dave